A Cruise to Remember
by tiger002
Summary: While visiting the Tipton, Alex and Justin get into a fight over her wand, and to break it up, Max steps in and snaps the wand in half, unknowingly unleashing it's magic througout the ship. With magic on the loose, there is no telling what might happen.
1. Chapter 1: Oh Snap

A/N: Welcome to my first ever Wizards and TSL crossover! I have to thank WaldoJeffers for helping me come up with this idea and Wyntirsno for going over the chapter for me.

**Chapter 1: Oh Snap**

"Alex, are you trying to expose magic to the world!?" Justin demanded as he paced across his room while she sat on the bed trying to avoid the lecture that she knew was coming.

"You really think they'll notice?" she said putting on her cutest face for her brother.

"Oh, I'm sure no one thought a random penguin walking along the deck was anything out of the ordinary," Justin said with sarcasm filling his voice.

"Even I know not to be that irresponsible; I turned him back after I got far enough away from that creep. He was only a penguin for like ten seconds so if anyone saw it, they probably thought it was just their imagination."

Justin didn't want to argue with his sister at a time like this. He had a date with London Tipton in half an hour and he couldn't be late. It would be best to deal with his irresponsible sister later. "Just give me your wand and I'll let this incident go."

"And why should I give it to you?"

"So I know you won't be doing any thing irresponsible while I can't keep my eye on you," he said grabbing the wand in her hand, but she refused to let go.

"Who are you, Dad?"

"No, but I'm the oldest and most responsible one here, and you've already proven you can't handle it."

Max burst into the room, his face red and he was breathing hard. "Guys, do you know how hard it is to tame a dolphin when you can't find a leash big enough?"

Both his older siblings gave Max a look as if he had just grown another head, although with his history with magic, that wouldn't have surprised them much.

"Wait, was I interrupting something?" the youngest wizard asked, noticing his siblings still in their tug of war over her wand.

"Justin was trying to take away my wand just because he thinks I was being 'irresponsible.'"

"I'm pretty sure any sane wizard would call turning the passengers into birds irresponsible."

"Wait, you're the one who did that?" Max asked suddenly the event of the afternoon now making perfect sense, "That would explain how he disappeared so quickly, I thought he just flew back to Antarctica."

"You know penguins can't fly right?" the elder sibling said.

"I know, that's why it seemed so strange," Max said shaking his head.

"Just give me my wand!" Alex yelled, finally breaking it free from Justin's grasp. However, she didn't notice Max grabbing it out of her hand.

"I'll solve this," he said slamming the wand against his knee and snapping it in two. "Here." He held up half the wand to each of his siblings.

"Max, you can't just break a wand in half!" Justin exclaimed.

"Why not?" he asked.

"By breaking it, you released the seal on it that holds the magic power within. Now it could leak out and cause all kinds of strange things throughout the ship."

"Fine, I'll fix it," the youngest wizard said placing the pieces of the wand on his brother's desk. "This wand in pieces be, restore it back to normal please."

As Max chanted his spell, his brother ran at him, but it was too late. As soon as the spell hit the wand, it exploded in a cloud of smoke, knocking the three teens against the wall.

"I'm guessing that wasn't supposed to happen," Alex said, gently rubbing the spot on her head that had just been slammed into the wall.

"Max's spell to fix it broke the remaining seal on the wand. Now the magic from the wand will fill the ship without anything to control it," Justin stated trying to keep his cool.

"So what does that mean? she asked.

"Something bad I'm guessing," her little brother added.

"Worst case scenario, the magic destroys the ship killing everyone on it," he said somberly.

"Can we stop it?" Max asked, the gravity of his mistake finally hitting him.

"There should be a spell, but I don't know it. You two are going to have to control the magic while I research how to fix this mess."

"Controlling magic run amuck is my specialty," Alex said confidently as she and her little brother left the cabin to see just how bad this mess could be.

* * *

**A/N: If you ask me, one of the things missing on the site is good comedy stories. So I thought I'd fix that with this story. Expect some things that only Zack or Max could ever find logical :) Oh yeah, pressing that review button is always a good thing, especially if you type words (in English please) and then press the submit button.**


	2. Chapter 2: Some Call It Magic

**A/N: Okay, time to unleash some of my inner insanity. Sorry for the short chapter, the next one should be longer. I've had several requests for a Zalex pairing, so you may see some of that in upcoming chapters. Anyway, please review!**

**Chapter 2: Some Call It Magic…**

"Okay Zack, I've decided on how I'm going to get Bailey to go out with me," Cody proudly proclaimed as he and his twin walked through the ship's lobby.

"Oh, here we go again," Zack said rolling his eyes at yet another of his brother's plans. He really thought the simple 'Will you go out with me?' approach would work, but no, Cody had to do things the hard way.

As Cody began to explain his plan, the ship began shaking violently sending the twins to the ground.

"What was that?" Cody asked.

"Maybe the ship's captain hit a speed bump?" Zack suggested.

Suddenly, the farm girl appeared around the corner causing Zack to say a quick hi to make sure Cody didn't give away his plan.

"Hi Zack," she joyfully said walking up to the twins, "And hi boyfriend!" she said to the twins' surprise. Before Cody knew what was happening, she wrapped her arms around his neck and shoved her lips into his. He wasn't quite sure how to respond, but he decided the best thing to do was to return the kiss. After several minuets, she broke away, as if that kind of thing happened everyday. "Bye, Cody, see you later."

Zack gave his brother a look that seemed to say, 'What the heck just happened?'

"Zack, did Bailey just call me boyfriend and kiss me?" he said faintly.

"Yeah," he said nodding.

"Catch me."

"Huh?" In a matter of seconds, Cody collapsed to the floor unconscious.

"Zack, please remove your brother from my lobby," Moseby said as he walked by while taking a sip of his coffee.

"Cody, wake up," Zack said leaning down to his brother's side and slapping him gently against the cheek. After the gentle wake up call failed, the older twin decided he would have to get more creative. He gently placed his mouth against Cody's ear knowing he'd have to do this very delicately for it to work right. "Cody the monsters are coming out from under the bed to get you!" he screamed hoping it would propel back into consciousness, but too no avail.

"All right, you're coming with me," Zack said as he grabbed Cody's chest and hoisted the unconscious teen onto his feet. "You know, this would be a lot easier if you didn't weigh so much." Zack said to the unresponsive body as he slowly dragged it to the elevator.

"Need a hand?" a short brown haired teen asked.

"Yeah, sure," Zack said giving the stranger a nod. The other teen took hold of Cody's other shoulder and the two of them carried him to the elevator. "You mind if helping me take him to his room. It's a lot easier moving him with someone else helping."

"Not a problem," he said leaning the younger twin against the elevator wall and pressing the seven button. "Max Russo by the way."

"Zack Martin," the older twin said shaking Max's hand.

"What happened to him anyway?"

"Well the girl he had been crushing just walked up to him, called him boyfriend, and planted one on his lips. Apparently that surprised him a bit," Zack said stifling a laugh.

"That's odd," Max said and then his eyes widened as if he had just figured out something important. Max pulled out his phone and quickly dialed his brother's number. "Justin, we have a sighting of code M. I am currently on an elevator with a victim."

Zack looked at Max as if he had just grown a second head. Was this a spy for the government? An alien come to take over the world? A deranged lunatic who had just broke out of an insane asylum. Maybe this was a wizard who had cast a spell over the ship that caused Bailey to kiss Cody. At this point, he knew his imagination had gotten the best of him, so he tried calming down.

"No, I can't, the victims brother is in the elevator with me."

"What's going on Max?" Zack asked trying to analyze this strange situation.

"Um, well, my brother is investigating some strange things on the ship so he sent my sister and I to investigate," Max said trying to come up with the best lie he could.

"Why does that stop you from helping him though?"

"Well the information is highly classified, so I can't reveal much about it." It was true, at least to a degree. The fact that powerful magic was filling the ship was classified information. Max just hoped he'd be able to get away from Zack before things started getting worse.

The elevator door opened and the two teens carried the still unconscious Cody through the hall. "Why do I have to have the furthest room from the elevator?" Zack complained.

"Maybe that means you'll be the furthest away from danger when zombies and evil elementals attack the ship," the wizard suggested

"I'm pretty sure I don't have to worry about that here since this isn't a fictional story written by a mentally unstable author," Zack said. After lugging Cody across the ship, they finally reached the twins' rooms.

However, Zack saw something that he was pretty sure was different from before so he decided to ask his new friend if he knew anything about it.

"Um, Max, any idea why my door is now made of Swiss cheese?"

"Oh, the Switzerland air force must have had to confiscate it, but they didn't want you to be without a door, so they gave you one of theirs," Max said thinking of the most logical story he could come up with on the spot.

"Sure, let's go with that. Besides Cody's room is across the hall and his door is not made of dairy products." Zack then pulled out his master key for the ship and unlocked Cody's room and placed his brother on his bed. "Thanks for the help Max."

To his surprise though, Zack didn't get a response. When the older twin turned around, he saw Max had disappeared. The older twin just shrugged his shoulders and walked back to his own room where he began to enjoy his new door in a very delicious way.


	3. Chapter 3: Dr Funky Fresh Moves Moseby

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews, I'm really surprised how much people like this story. Also sorry for taking so long to update, I have so many other stories going on that it took a while to get to this one. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 3: **Dr. Funky Fresh Moves Moseby MD

And last time we left our heroes, and I use that term loosely, Zack was slowly eating his door of Swiss cheese by slowly taking it apart with his pocket knife, Cody was sleeping soundly after his magic induced kiss with Bailey, Justin was researching how to fix this mess and Alex and Max were attempting magic control. Max was chasing a heard of suitcases that had turned into neon sheep and were complaining in Russian about their lack of spinach while Alex was on the sky deck keeping the smoothie bar from eating people by feeding it dog treats..

However, these were far from the only people on the ship. So let's take a peak into London and Bailey's room.

"Hey London," Bailey said apprehensively as she walked into her room.

"What do you need?"

"Have you ever done something and looking back on it you have no idea why it even happened? Like some kind of magic just took over you or something?"

"Something happened with Cody, didn't it?"

"How could you tell?"

"Please, I may not be book smart, but when it comes to people I'm smarterer than might think." the heiress said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "So spill it, what happened?"

"Well I was walking through the ship's lobby when I saw the twins. I don't know why, but I said, 'Hi boyfriend' to Cody and begin kissing him, and I mean really kissing him."

"Wow, I know you had that crush on him, but that?"

"I can't believe I did it either!"

"So what did he do?"

"Well he just stood there enjoying it I think. After I walked away, I realized what I had done, so I walked back and saw him on the floor being carried by Zack and some other kid.

"So he fainted?"

"Yeah, I was going to see if he was okay but I didn't know what to say. I mean, what do you say after something like that?"

"Well," London said with a look of serious on her face as she contemplated the solution. "It's obvious that he likes you back, so you should go ask him on a date once he wakes up."

"How do you know he likes me back though?"

"It's simple, he enjoyed the kiss, and Cody isn't the type of guy that would just kiss a random girl even if they started it. He'd also be so surprised which would lead to him fainting. It also makes sense he'd have a crush on you. You're pretty, though not as much as me, smart, and really nice. Even I can figure it out."

"Got it, I'll go ask him out now. Thanks so much for your help London," Bailey said as she left the room.

"Just don't tell Chelsea or any of those tabloids that I did something compassionate, or know what compassionate means. I have a reputation to uphold after all."

"Not a problem," Bailey said ecstatically as she left the room.

However, as London went back to reading her magazine, she was startled by the sound of glass shattering and a strange brown haired teenager bursting through her room via the window. The stranger gazed around the room, holding a sharp samurai sword. "Zack's not here," the stranger said to herself.

"Wow, I've heard of people jumping out the window because of him, but never jumping in one."

"Ah London, glad to at least find a familiar face," she said putting her sword away. "I'd love to stay and chat, but I really need to find Zack. I should have known not to trust a map from Cosmo though." She abruptly left the room leaving the heiress to herself once again.

"They really need to find a better security guard than Kirby," London noted before returning to her magazine.

…

"Wow, this is a lot of cheese," a very full Zack said as he took another bite of his door. He had hardly made a dent in the dairy delicacy and didn't feel like he could take another bite. Deciding it would be best to save it for later, he tried picking up the door to put it in his fridge, but found that Swiss cheese is surpassingly heavy for all the holes in it. He contemplated getting help but didn't want to let anyone else get his cheese.

He walked into his room, looking for something that could help him move it, but was soon broken out of his search by a crashing sound like him when he ran a luggage cart into the candy counter. Running out of the room, he saw a sight almost as strange as the door.

At the end of the hallway lay a person with black hair upside down in a seemingly uncomfortable possession. "Alright, who put that wall there?" she asked getting back to her feet. However, as she stood up, Zack noticed the strangest thing about this person, she had black angel like wings. "This isn't my castle," she said looking around, assessing the situation.

"This is the SS Tipton," Zack explained nervously. He knew that something strange was going on, and fear was beginning to grip him.

"I guess something went wrong with the spell," she said slowly walking toward Zack. "I hate it when my hair gets stuck in these feathers, I really need a hair cut." the winged stranger began untying her hair from her wings, which made Zack want to laugh, but he was still scared of this stranger. Once her hair was untangled, her eyes locked upon the twin's unusual door. "Is that a door made of cheese?"

"Yes," Zack said nodding his head.

"And you're not going to share?"

"Um, okay." Zack semi willingly took out his pocketknife and cut this strange person a piece of his door. After handing it to her, she began eating it, and was amazed by the taste.

"This is incredible!"

"So who, or what are you?" Zack's curiously had finally gotten the best of his fear so he had to know.

"I guess people in this realm wouldn't recognize my kind. My name is Jackie, and I'm a Nightwing."

"A what?"

"It's a long story."

Before Jackie could elaborate further, another Nightwing walked up two and their door. "Jackie, what are you doing?"

"Eating a door of Swiss cheese."

"Are you forgetting that you had an important war meeting with the king that you're late for?"

"Come on Angie, you're no fun," Jackie protested.

"Even though he's your husband, it's best not to test the king's penitence," Angie argued.

"Fine, but I'm taking this door with me." Jackie then proceeded to pick up the door with only one hand and she and Angie walked away. Zack chased after them, but after he reached the deck, the Nightwings flew into the sky and disappeared into a red portal.

"That was odd," Zack said to himself. "I wonder if Moseby will believe me when I tell him the reason I need a new door. I guess it's more believable then some of the stories I've told him."

**Twelve minuets and a walk to Moseby's office later**

"Hey Moseby, I have a little bit of a problem," Zack said bursting through the door of the manger's office, not caring in the slightest what strange actions he might be barging in on. In fact, it was safe this time as Moseby was sitting behind his desk examining the graphs showing the ship's profits and not riding a giraffe while singing Linkin Park's 'Easier to Run', at least not yet.

"Zack, what have I told you about calling me Moseby?" the manger scolded getting up from his desk and walking up to the teen.

"I'm sorry; Mr. Moseby."

"How many times do I have to tell you, it's Dr. Funky Fresh Moves Moseby MD.?"

"Um, okay, Dr. Funky Fresh Moves Moseby MD, I need your help with something." By this point Zack was getting worried.

"Did you bring the cat nip?" the manager seemingly randomly asked.

"Um, why would I bring cat nip?"

"Because Chihuahuas have freakishly large ears!" Moseby declared picking an object off the desk and rubbing his cheek with it.

"You are aware that's a cactus, aren't you?" At this point Zack thought a visit to Mr. Blanket was needed.

"Do not question me Zack; I am an adult and therefore know what I'm doing!" he said pointing the cactus in Zack's general direction.

"So is that why you forgot to wear pants today?"

Moseby looked down to discover he was indeed not wearing pants, and therefore showing Zack his rainbow colored boxers. "Court is adjourned; now please pay the waitress on your way out!" Dr. Funky Fresh Moves Moseby MD then proceeded to drop kick his cactus through the ceiling, causing Zack to wisely flee for his life.

Zack made a mental note to email Mr. Tipton about random drug tests while he searched the ship for answers and more doors made of cheese.


	4. Chapter 4: Action, confusion, and stuff

**Chapter 4: Action, confusion, and awkward moments**

As Zack ran from Moseby's office, he knew that something was terribly wrong. There weren't any other doors made of Swiss cheese anywhere to be found. He was sure that they'd have at least one extra on board incase some strange flying people stole it. Sadly, as far as Zack could tell, this wasn't the case.

Since he was on the Sky Deck anyway, he decided to make himself a smoothie, sure that Moseby was still occupied with…he didn't want to know…so that no one would care if some of the food mysteriously disappeared. However, as he went over to the smoothie bar, a Labrador Retriever stood in the way and looked at Zack pleadingly. Not being one that could resist such as captivating gaze, he bent down to pet it.

"Are you Bob?" the dog said.

Zack stared at the animal for a second, wondering if he heard that right. "Was that you?"

"Well do you see any other talking dogs around here?" the dog said as it proceeded to pace across the deck.

Zack turned around to look, wondering what other strange things were going on. He saw Selene Deon singing Thriving Ivory's song "On Your Side" while dancing the Macarena, along with the slightly strange sight of President Obama teaching a brick wall how to do logarithms.

"Nope, you're the only talking dog here," Zack said.

"Good, now will you answer my question; are you Bob?"

"Uh, no, I'm Zack."

"I was afraid of this," the dog said with a sigh. Zack wondered how a dog could sigh, but he figured he shouldn't question it. "Just remember, when it looks like it's all falling apart, you should dance in the moonlight with the silver haired maiden."

"What?" Zack asked thoroughly confused, but before he could get an answer to his question, the dog transformed into a giant spinach demon towering at least fifty feet in height. "I don't want to eat my vegetables!" Zack screamed running away like a scared little girl, but the demon was right behind him. Soon the older twin was corned.

"Zack!" he heard a familiar voice say. He turned and saw it was a girl with black hair that he would likely try hitting on if he wasn't about to become lunch for this strange creature.

He wasn't sure what happened next since he closed his eyes as he assumed the fetal possession, but once he heard the growls stop, he saw he was no longer in danger and instead looked very silly as the girl stood over him.

"Well, are you gonna get up or what?"

"Uh, yeah, what just happened?" he asked standing back up.

"Just go back to your room where it's safe," she said, sweat dripping down her face, telling Zack that something was going on.

"What do you mean where it's safe?"

"You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you. Just be careful, some strange things are going on here," she said as a dodo bird landed on Zack's shoulder.

"What about you?"

"Don't worry about me, just go!" she demanded and Zack did.

…

Cody got up feeling extremely dizzy. He looked around, seeing he was in his room, and wasn't sure how he got there. Last he knew he was talking with Zack. Thinking carefully, he remembered Bailey kissing him, and then fainting? He had really fainted because she kissed him? He had spent way too much time with Arwin.

He heard a knock on the door, and went to answer it. Upon opening the door he was shocked to see Bailey there after what happened earlier today. "Bailey," he said, his eyes widening.

She stood there in silence for a second, as if unsure as to what to say. "How could you?" she screamed, ramming her fist into his face sending him sprawling to the ground.

"What was that for?" he asked completely bewildered, but she was no longer there. He ran outside his room and saw that she was running away as fast as she could and he knew he couldn't catch up. He rubbed his face, feeling the bruise already forming. She sure had one heck of a right hook. He didn't want to provoke her further, but something strange was definitely going on.

…

Alex stood on the sky deck, out numbered and worn out but the random magic was far from done. Before her stood an army of desk lamps armed with beaver teeth and a dolphin that floated in the air on green angel wings. She fired off one spell after another, but no matter how many of these strange creatures she stopped they just kept coming. She fell to her knees, completely exhausted, only to discover she was standing in a pool of maple syrup. "That will be hard to get out of these shoes," she said through a small laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.

"Alex!" a voice called out, causing her to turn to see her little brother running to her wand in hand, already chanting a spell. "These scary things now are not, a bird with wings shall fill with snot." The numerous magic blasts shot out from his wand, hitting each of the monsters turning them all to pigeons with very bad colds.

"Thanks Max, but how did you know to come save me?" Alex asked.

"Some strange ninja samurai girl came and told me I needed to come help you." Alex gazed at her brother with a look of confusion, but after the recent events, she couldn't expect everything to make sense.

"I really need to work on that spell more," he said sheepishly noticing the pigeons sneezing all over the deck. "Now all we've got here are a bunch of constipated birds."

"I think you mean congested," she said putting a proud hand on her brother's shoulder. She had to admit he had a way of keeping her life interesting.

…

Door or not, Zack figured he should head back to his room where he was safe from Nightwings, ship managers who lost all sense of sanity, and giant vegetables. However upon exiting the elevator to his floor, he found himself on a military grade helicopter.

"Well looky what we have here," a very attractive scantily clad female said walking up to Zack, straitening her obvious fake pink mustache.

"I think I pressed the wrong button," the twin said as the stranger wrapped her arm around his neck, "Not that I'm complaining or anything."

"Don't mind her," an elderly man with giant spikes of blue hair said as he got up from his seat to greet Zack. "It's a pleasure to meet you sir," he said holding out his hand which Zack shook, still confused as to what is going on.

"Do you too have any idea what is going on here?" Zack asked, hoping for something to make sense for once.

"There are times when the answers you seek are more dangerous than the original question," the female said before turning from Zack and grabbing a hot steaming pizza out of the fridge and offering Zack a slice.

"Uh, no thank you," he politely declined.

"Stop speaking in riddles Selena," the old man said.

"But it's so much fun Tosen," she protested vehemently before throwing the rest of the pizza out the window causing a small nuclear explosion before.

"Is there any chance you will start making sense here?" Zack asked.

"There are some things in this world that are not meant to be understood," the old man said pulling out a chair and taking a seat in it while staring at Zack intently. "You must understand the way of the traveler is not a way the seasons follow. Instead the path is filled with potholes and mountains. However, for the many twists and turns within, it is the only path that matters."

"I don't get it," Zack admitted, sensing that this stranger's words were either way over his head, or just weren't supposed to make any sense.

"There is a time and place for logic Zachary," another voice called out as its owner walked into the flying vehicle. He appeared to be a young adult dressed in black, from his fancy shoes to perfectly pressed pants to his hat and dark sunglasses. Admittedly, his suit was more of a dark blue, but even so his presence carried an air of seriousness about him.

"Greg, what are you doing here?" Selena said, her whole body shaking in fear.

"Gently reminiscing on a past that can never be once more," the stranger said, obviously disheartened at some event.

"Well in that case I better get the friend chicken and the pizza pitas," Selana said franticly before she jumped out the helicopter.

"Should I be worried?" Zack asked, not even sure which way was up, and not just because the helicopter was doing loops through the air.

"Only for the lives once lost," Tosen answered somberly

"Tosen, he's the one," Greg said authoritatively.

"Understood," he said, pulling a small jewelry box out of his right pants pocket before getting down one hand before Zack. "Dearly beloved," he began, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

"What?" Zack screamed with enough force for the quote to deserve both a question and exclamation mark, but due to ff dot net being a butthead, I'm only allowed to use one punctuation mark.

"Wrong speech," Greg said through a very unsubtle cough.

"My apologies good sir," the blue haired man said before trying again. "Zachary Martin, you were born in the year 1992, brother to Cody Martin, son of Carey and Kurt Martin. Is this true?"

"Yes," Zack said nodding his head, not sure where this was going.

"And is it also true that you occasionally partake in the music of one Justin Bieber?"

"No, I mean not often, I mean I had to know what all the hype was about, and some of his songs are pretty catchy," Zack admitted.

"Now, get ready for your ride back down to earth," Greg announced.

"Indeed," Tosen said as he opened the jewelry box revealing a wooden key that looked like it would snap with just the smallest amount of pressure.

Zack picked it up, feeling called to it by some kind of unexplainable force. "Now what do I do?" Zack asked.

"All will be made clear in time," Greg said, taking his hat off and placing it on Zack's head. "Now, with the key of locks and my pimp hat, you shall succeed."

"Live long and prosper," Tosen announced and at that moment Zack knew exactly what had to be done. It was as if the text book containing all the answers to the universe was opened and poured into his brain.

"Don't worry, I can handle it," Zack said reaching for the parachute and walking to the pilot's seat. "Greg, I believe you have one last thing to do here."

"Understood," Greg said before walking behind Tosen and randomly pulling out a set of handcuffs and placing him under arrest. "Tosen, you are under arrest for extortion, murder, and being a general pain in my behind."

Pressing the Aqua, Cyan, Turquoise and Red buttons, Zack closed his eyes, ready for a once in a lifetime battle to begin. "Reney, I hope you know what you're getting yourself into."

…

Zack opened his eyes, seeing that he was lying in his bed, his door still missing. Had that all just been a dream?

He reached into his pocket and felt the key there and noticed he still had Greg's pimp hat, so it couldn't have just been a dream. He had no idea what it meant though; in the helicopter, everything seemed to make sense to him, but now his clarity was gone. Even so, he got up out of bed and decided to search the ship for answers.

…

Cody saw Zack walking down the hallway, deciding to seek his brother's advice about the incident with Bailey. He knew Zack always said girls were crazy, but he never thought they would be so bipolar to kiss him one minute and try knocking him out the next. Then again, Zack had dated worse. "Zack!" he called causing his brother to turn around to face him.

…

"Zack," the elder twin heard a feminine voice call out. Zack turned to see a beautiful girl that looked just about his age running toward him.

"Hello beautiful, do you have a map cause I just got lost in your eyes." he said causing the girl to back up nervously. "Don't worry; I don't bite, unless you want me to bite that is."

"Zack, it's me, Cody." The younger twin was now seriously creped out. He thought things like this only happened in fan fiction, but here his brother was using cheesy pickup lines on him.

"That's funny, it sounded like you just said your name of Cody, which is the name of my twin brother," Zack said through a nervous laugh.

"I am your twin brother Cody," the younger twin said, wondering how Zack could mistake him for someone else. "You got so scared when we watched Zombie Mom that you wanted to sleep in my bed and anytime someone says the word zombie when it's dark it causes you to freak out," he said, wanting to prove that he was really Cody, and he always liked brining that up when the twins were alone.

"Cody?" Zack asked, titling his head trying to see if it was true. His brother was the only one who knew that about him, but this most certainly didn't look like Cody. Then again, not much else around the ship had made much sense recently.

"Yep, it's me."

"Well I don't know how to tell you this Codes, but dude, you ain't a dude."

Cody gave his brother a look of confusion, trying to figure out what Zack was talking about, but before he could get any clarification, Zack pulled him by the arm into his room. "Take a look," Zack said pointing to a mirror.

Cody did, only to realize that the body he saw in the reflection was most certainly not his. He had brown hair that reached to just above his shoulders, and he then realized why his chest felt so heavy, his breasts were definitely a lot bigger. He had a slim figure as always which his pink dress accidentally perfectly and if it weren't for the fact that he had someone been changed into a girl, he'd have to say he was pretty darn hot. However, given the circumstances, he instead let loose a very high pitched girly scream.

…

On the sky deck, Max had helped his sister get out from the sticky mess she was stuck in, but before they could return to their quest of fixing all the random magic, a new foe appeared, gently flapping his wings as he landed. Once on the ground, he drew a katana, ready to do battle with the wizards.

"I didn't think penguins could fly," Max stated, readying his magic for another battle.

"Never underestimate the capabilities of a killer penguin," his foe, who yes, was a killer penguin, responded.

…

After Bailey was gone, London had pulled the farm girl's giant whiteboard out of her closet and began writing down numerous equations that would easily baffle both Cody and Bailey. "Let's see, if we just apply Kircoff's rule, and assume a mass of 6 for a boson in an excited state," she said to herself scribbling rapidly, her mind craving the answers. "It can't be," she said her eyes wide with wonder. "Trey will take on a young Nightwing as an apprentice named."

London stopped herself, seeing a mistake in her math causing her to foreshadow things from the wrong story. After fixing that mistake, the truth all became apparent. "So, Max will get into a fight to the death with a killer penguin, and Cody won't be the only twin to wear a dress by the end of the story. This could get interesting."

…

**A/N: So, who was expecting an update for this tonight? I know I wasn't planning to get this much done at least. Heck, half the things that happened in this chapter I didn't plan at all. Well I guess that's why they call it random comedy, not even I know what's going to happen next. Don't worry, I still have a general plotline for this, but who knows what kind of twist and turns this will take on the way!**


	5. Chapter 5: Breakfast Time for Penguins

**Chapter 5: Breakfast Time for Penguins**

"This is bad," Cody…if that still was his (her?) name said as he/she paced across his room.

"Calm down Cody," Zack said trying to help his brother…uh, sister, uh, twin out of this strange situation.

"How can I calm down?" Cody asked, the illogical female hormones coursing through his body. "I randomly become a girl, my chest feels so heavy I think I'm going to fall over, and I'm pretty sure it's that time of a month. Zack, do you know what that feels like?" Cody narrowed his eyes as he/she stared at his/her brother.

"No I can't say I do. But if something happened to change you like this, then there must also be a way to change you back."

"Are you sure?" Cody looked this Zack, eyes full of hope, and cheeks stained with mascara. Zack was really glad Cody wasn't a girl normally, it would be way too much emotional drama to deal with. He had to get Cody back to normal soon, if anything for his own sanity.

"Yeah, I got this." Feeling the lame magical key in his pocket, Zack knew he was the one chosen to save the world from hippos and llamas. That or he just spent too much time reading Woody's comic books. Either way, from his time in the helicopter, he knew he was involved in this, and had to do something. So, he donned the hat of awesomeness, and bravely walked out the door…or what would have been the door had someone not stolen it once it had been turned to cheese.

"Where are you going?" Cody called, scared to be alone in the labyrinth known as Zack's room.

"Follow me Cody, and all your questions will be answered."

…

Max took several heavy breaths as he eyed down the penguin who stood across the deck from him. He had never fought a killer penguin before but he had heard rumors of their existence. They were believed to have been created by a mad scientist after he had one too many tacos on a lonely Friday night. Though he could not be sure if he remembered that from one of Justin's random lectures of from a day old pizza induced dream.

Still, the young wizard knew that it didn't matter where these strangely awesome creatures came from, he just had to stop it before it hurt him or anyone else.

The penguin ran at him, it's sword sparkling in the light of the now blue sun. Max narrowly ducked to avoid losing a head but he couldn't get far before the penguin started attacking him again.

"Go Through Moe Through!" Max said, pointing at the pointy object causing it to harmlessly pass through him.

Seeing this, the penguin tossed the now useless weapon to the side, and from its back pocket pulled out a hammer no less than 22 feet high.

"That's gonna leave a mark," Max said as he saw the heavy object aimed in his direction. And with a speed only a killer penguin could possess, it swung at Max sending him flying though the air and gave him a massive headache.

Max racked his mind for any spell that could stop him from flying into the ocean but he couldn't think of any. But then he remembered he didn't have to know a spell to use it. "In order to make this penguin cry, give me the ability to fly."

And then Max found he was floating in the air, carried by none other than a team of highly trained carrier pigeons. It may not have quite what he was expecting but Max saw no reason to complain at a time like this.

However, the penguin would not let a little magic get in the way at a time like this. He flew into the air, the two-ton mallet right behind him, and with a mighty swing, he took aim at the wizard again.

Max was ready though.

He wouldn't let some bird make a fool of him.

"Threemetris Movetris:"

And with his teleportation of ten feet, he was too close for the penguin to hit him with the mallet.

"At,Dat,Lat Relt it Melt it-it"

And much to the penguins terror, his ones mighty weapon melted away.

The penguin backed up, and Max knew he had won, he just had to finish this foe.

"Commakus Pancakus"

With the massive stack of pancakes in hand, the wizard charged at the anartic bird, slamming them into its beak. The penguin fell to the ground, looked at the pancakes it now held in its hand, and knew this battle was over.

It bowed to its opponent, took a bite of the pancakes and disappeared through a portal made of candy canes.

"Wow, you did it Max," Alex said giving her brother a hug.

"Thanks, that was one strange battle though."

"And you really think your puny magic can save you now?" a new voice asked. This one belonging to an elderly old lady.

"You should get back below deck where it's safe," Alex said, really hoping she had misheard her.

"Oh, it's perfectly safe here for me," with a wicked smile, she jumped at Alex, and pinned her to the ground. Max tried to run to his sister to get away but it was no use as there was a strange invisible shield around them.

Suddenly a samurai appeared and with a skillful swipe of her blade, the shield fell apart and the old lady vanished into dust.

"Thanks," Alex said getting up through several coughs. "But who are you?"

"There is a disturbance in the magical continuum. Things are about to get out of hand and if your brother doesn't solve this soon the MCKU will show up." She looked to the two and let out a deep sigh.

"Is it that bad?" Max asked.

"Yeah, you know the rules."

"What can we do?" Alex asked, knowing how desperate this situation was.

"Just do our best with magic and hope it's not too late. Besides, we are not without hope."

…

London saw the numbers and equations come together how much time was of the essence. Magic like this was dangerous, unpredictable, deadly, and worst of all, extremely ticklish if things became bad enough. But she wasn't alone in this, she remembered the date she had that afternoon, how smart he was, and if her calculations were right, he was also a wizard. Maybe, just maybe, they could get out of this without too many people going insane.

Picking up her pencil and notes, she made her way out of her cabin, avoiding a pack of rabid calculators as she made her way further into the poor people section of the ship.

Taking a heavy breath, she knocked, hoping that she was right.

"Kind of busy in here!" Justin screamed as he was skimming every section of the book for answers, though every time he was close it seemed to be just another dead in.

"Justin, open this door if you value everyone's life."

Not sure quite what to make of it, but knowing he needed answers, he opened the door to the sight of none other than London Tipton.

"London, what are you doing here?"

"The same thing as you, saving everyone from a monumental catastrophe."

"Wait, you know what's going on? And just used words with over 10 letters?"

"Yes, but do not ask why," she held out her hand stopping the thousand of questions flowing in his mind. "You must use your magic to take us inside the wizard book because only there, the true answers lie."

Justin looked down at the book he held in his hands. He had never thought about traveling inside of it, but it made perfect sense that the book would hold secrets far beyond the surface. And that might just be what he needed.

He looked to the heiress, wondering how safe it was to take her with him, but the face that she somehow knew everything now when she didn't know how to tie her shoe a few hours ago told him she had to be trusted.

"Okay, let's go. Literarium Tararium."

…

The twins were making their way up to the skydeck, since that seemed to be the central hub of all the strange stuff. If Cody was going to be able to be turned back to normal, that would be where it would happen. And Zack felt called there like pizza called him to the microwave.

"I don't think we should take the elevator," Zack said as they reached it.

"Why not?"

"Because I can't be sure where we will end up."

And just to prove Zack's point, the elevator door opened into a vat of chocolate pudding, which poured out knocking the twins off their feet before the door closed.

"Great, now my hair is ruined," Cody said getting back to his feet, though his high heels had difficulty finding traction with all the pudding.

"We'll worry about that later, right now we need to take the stairs."

"I can't walk up 5 flights of stairs in high heels."

"Well take them off!"

"But then I could get a splinter."

Zack rolled his eyes, finding Cody as a sister was at least ten times as annoying than as a brother.

"Then take my shoes," Zack said kicking his off and running toward the stairs, not giving Cody a chance to protest.

Cody looked down for a second, not wanting to imagine what kind of fungus could be growing in those, but they would be comfortable, and with this pudding all over him, he'd have to spend a few hours in the shower later anyway.

So after getting the shoes on, he ran after Zack and the twins went up the stairs as fast as they could. Zack was worried what he'd fine when he got back up there. Still, he knew he had to go there and that he could make things right. He just had no idea how.

And as they finally emerged at the top of the stairs, they saw blocking their way, none other than George W Bush and Lil' Wayne who were engaged in a battle of Dance Dance Revolution.

"Uh guys," Zack asked trying to get their attention.

"Just give us one second," Bush said as he pushed his feet to the limit trying to keep up with the rapper.

"I guess we should just rest here and end the chapter then," Cody suggested.

"Sounds like a plan," Zack said as he and his sibling sat against the wall waiting for the dance battle to continue and for the author to figure out what happens next.

…

**A/N: **See, this story wasn't abandoned, just on a very long hiatus. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the next one will be up by the end of the year. See you soon!


	6. Chapter 6: Rap Battles and Dry Readings

**A/N: **Well remember last chapter when I said the next chapter would be out by the end of the year? Well, neither did I. I just had the urge to work on this tonight, and went back to see what happened last and saw that note. So I decided, this had to be done, and since it is still 2011 for ff,net, I have kept my word. Also, sorry if this chapter isn't as good, it was a bit rushed. Still, I hope you like it.

**Chapter 6: Rap Battles and Dry Readings**

"So, I see you have made it," George W Bush said, after being humiliated by Lil Wayne during their epic dance battle of doom. Why of doom you may ask? You shall see…perhaps at least.

"What up my hommies?" the overrated rapper said walking up to the twins. "And who might you be my little lady?" he said walking up to the recently feminized Cody. And I mean he is really a girl, not just a wimpy guy that too many writers seem to make him into. I mean really, having to floss after every bite, who does that? All for cheap laughs.

Oh wait, story, that's why you came here.

"Hello," Cody said as she took a step back, a bit creped out to say the least.

"Hey, leave her alone," Zack said, not used to someone hitting on Cody instead of him. Granted, this wasn't anything like usual and he was hoping this would lead to some kind of violence where he could finally get rid of this rap singer, since he disliked Lil Wayne as much as certain authors who need not be named.

"Don't fret about it son," Bush said placing a reassuring hand on the teen's shoulder. "He gets all the girls like that, doesn't mean she don't love you, but his charm is just irresistible."

"What is this, a twincest gender swap fic?" Zack exclaimed, "I don't think I want to know if those exist."

And then, to make matters worse, Lil Wayne started rapping,

'_Be my motivation  
I be your transportation  
Cause I let you ride  
While I drive you crazy'_

"Zack," Cody yelled, screaming like a little girl while jumping behind Zack.

"Dawg, I just got played by a kid, what a rapper to do?"

"For one, learn some English," Cody said, appalled at his misuse of grammar.

However, the rapper decided to switch to his own song instead of slightly modified lyrics the author needed in order for them to fit.

'_I search but never find,  
Hurt but never cry.  
I work hard and forever try  
But I'm cursed so never mind'_

"I think we should get going," Cody whispered to Zack who nodded his head as the two of them slowly began walking away.

"Oh no, you ain't getting away. Mr. President, if you would be so kind,"

"Anytime my friend."

And then with the athletic skills never before seen in a president, George Bush did a quadruple backflip landing in front of the twins, and then out of his back pocket drew a pair of katanas.

"Where did those come from?" Cody asked.

"A present from Miss Condoleezza Rice," he answered, which made as much sense as anything else around here. The former president then ran at Cody slashing wildly. However, in the blue light of the sun, he didn't notice Zack running to intercept the attack. Pulling the key out of his pocket, not clue of what it would do, he aimed it like a gun, and willed it to do something. A large giant mallet came bursting forth, slamming Bush in the top of the head sending him overboard.

"Where did that come from?" Zack asked, quite confused.

"Must be hammer space," Max said casually strolling along the deck his wand drawn for anything unusual.

"Hammer space?" both twins asked.

"Look it up on TV troupes sometime," Max answered.

"Bad plan, I always get distracted by all the links and stuff," Cody answered.

"And I hate reading," Zack answered.

"Yo dawg, I here you be forgetting about me over here, now we can't be having no such things as that, now can we?" Lil Wayne said, though this time Zack was ready, or at least as ready as he could ever be. However, in a flash of speed that defied logic, Lil Wayne got behind him and with a powerful kick sent Zack flying through the air.

"I got you Zack," Max said pointing his wand at the twin. "So that this rapper won't make us cry, give Zack the power to fly."

Then, flying on the wings of an eagle, (and by that I mean Zack was carried by a giant eagle," Zack flew down at Lil Wayne, his hammer ready to cause large amounts of well-deserved pain. The rapper dodged it though, and then jumped up, kicking the eagle away causing Zack to land painfully on the ground.

"Why isn't my magic working?" Max asked.

Normally, Cody would question the logic of what was going on, and ponder Max's clumsy reveal of magic. However, there were two reasons that this did not happen. One, she was preoccupied with Zack's fight to the death against Lil Wayne, but two and most importantly, Cody was currently a girl and therefor unable to think logically.

Zack continued fighting, knowing he'd have to win, but couldn't figure out why. Each swing of the mallet left him open for attack, but he couldn't stand back and do nothing, and leave his twin alone with that creepy rapper. That and he heard somewhere that pounding people in the head with giant mallets was good for blood pressure, or something like that.

"There ain't no way, you can beat me, for I was the one sent to end it all, ya hear? I got mad skills yo and I'm about to put them all up in your face, no you don't stance a chance when Lil Wayne is in the house."

"Was that supposed to make sense?" Zack asked.

"Do his lyrics ever?" Max replied.

"I guess you're right," Zack said going in to attack again.

"And don't worry Zack, I'll make sure that your cute friend stays safe," Max said, which disturbed Zack some (and Cody quite a bit more), but they both figured Max was a safer option than the one currently using Zack as a punching bag.

Summoning a plate of pancakes, Max charged at his foe, and while Zack distracted him with swipes of his hammer, the wizard slammed the plate into the back of the rapper's head. However, after trying to get the syrup off his head, he then turned and delivered a kick to Max's stomach.

The young wizard went flying back at incredible speeds, only stopping with he collided into Cody. The two of them were sent rolling along the ground, their limbs colliding into each other and flying all about. When they finally stopped moving, their lips were only inches away, their eyes staring into each other's, and Max saw what a beautiful girl Cody was.

"How are you doing hot stuff?" Max said, trying to be as suave as possible, but Cody pushed Max away and backed up.

"Darn, why do they always do that?" he asked, hating that he couldn't even get a girl who he was trying to save.

"Don't worry," Cody said, feeling a bit bad for Max, "I'm sure you'll find someone that's just right for you. It's just, well I'm already taken."

"Wow, they must be a lucky guy then."

"Something like that, now go and put the beat on that rapper," Cody said with a smile. "For me," he added with a wink.

…

"Not quite what I was expecting after reading," London said as she and Justin took a step further into the book of magic.

"I'm honestly surprised you've seen the inside of a book," Justin said, still not getting over the fact that London Tipton had come up with this strange idea, and was taking in the surroundings as if this was all normal and made sense.

"Understandable, but you must keep in mind that thing change."

The two of them went further, a lifeless land standing before them, a faint light of the stars above them giving them the only light in this dark place filled with hot air all around.

"Talk about your dry reading," Justin said, trying to lighten up the conversation through this desert like environment.

Words flew by as silence enveloped the two, Justin still caught up in the strangeness, and London focused on what must happen. She knew that the calculations didn't lie, that the math held all the answers, and that the only salvation lied within this book. She just hoped it wouldn't be too late.

"Do you see that?" Justin said, out in the distance, a box stood above the barren land, a large almost normal looking picture hovering over the endless words.

"What is it?"

"What does it look like you idiot? Sheesh, now I know how people felt when they had to talk to me about anything smarticle."

"Smarticle?" Justin asked.

"Gasp! No, this can't be happening," London said as she began pacing, her world spinning; she tried to hold out, but she could feel it sleeping.

"What is?"

"The magic, the box, in it, the seal, the one with the key, he can set it right, just, no."

She fell to the ground, her head feeling like it was going to explode any moment.

"What should I do?" Justin asked bending down to help.

"Take the box and bring it to the sky deck," she asked, those the last words she said before fading into unconsciousness.

Justin wasn't sure how this worked, but London's words hadn't let him down yet. He wondered if it was wise to listen to someone like her, who merely a few moments ago didn't know right from left. Nevertheless he bent down, feeling the strange magic power emanating from the box. He tried opening it, but saw that it was locked, the keyhole like none he had ever seen.

So, going on faith alone that this would work, he picked up the box, shocked at how light it was and walked over to London.

"I just hope this works," he said and in an instant the two of them were on the sky deck, looking on as Lil Wayne had once more knocked Zack out, Max's attempts to help doing more harm than good, and a girl known as Cody stood back, her greatest nightmare unfolding.

Yes, from all sides of the ships, penguins were surrounding them.

Cody just knew this was the end for them all.


	7. Chapter 7: Is it Love

**A/N: This update is part of my celebration for being on the site for 5 years! That's right; on April 30 5 years ago I made this account, so today I have decided to update all of my stories that are in progress. This does not mean that more updates will be coming soon if ever though**

**Ah, random comedy. Gotta love it. I may not write it often, but there is nothing on earth quite like writing the most random of battles to power metal music. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 7: The power of love…or is it lust?**

As the penguins surrounded them, Justin saw how bad this could be. Legends told of this force of killer penguins, it was in the lost pages of the Mayan prophecy signaling the end of the world. He had to do something fast, or it was all over for them. He grabbed his wand, prepared to do battle as three of the penguins drew their swords and ran after them. He tried firing; thinking of a spell that could stop them, but in a matter of seconds, the three of them had him pinned to the ground. Max saw his brother's struggle, though couldn't do anything as Lil' Wayne was more than enough to keep him occupied.

However, Alex came into the scene, her magic blazing, no longer caring about secrets, only about doing what was right, even if she had to break a few rules in the process. "Scrubby Dubby Into the Tubby," she yelled pointing her wand at several of the penguins. In an instant they turned into washing machines, but this only angered the others more. And the ones who had been turned into washing machines continued to change, and Alex knew she'd have to get more creative if she were to win.

She tried another spell, "Argyle, bobby, tube, knee high, into socks, turn this guy" though instead of turning someone into socks because the spell was meant for humans, it instead turned all the penguins around her into a giant sock monster, with an odor to match.

As Lil' Wayne was demonstrating his quite impressive martial arts skills on Max' body, the young wizard found he was hardly a match. However, seeing the giant sock causing everyone to hold their nose gave Max an idea as he was flung into the pool.

"Now dawg, don't be hate'n, just cause I whopped your butt and am about to take your chick back to my crib. Ya hear."

"Zack, hold him off, I have an idea."

Zack wasn't sure if this would work, but decided that he had no other option, that unless he did something to help they were all doomed. So because of that, Zack ran at Lil' Wayne. Seeing this, Justin decided he needed to help Zack. " From your chin to your toes and elephant trunk grows," he said pointing his wand at Zack before the giant sock crushed the breath out of him. Though Justin had just enough time to get the spell out in time.

As Zack ran at the rapper who needed to die painfully, a giant elephant trunk grew from Zack's nose. He swung it at Lil' Wayne wrapping him up with it. However, the rapper was still strong, so Zack's grip couldn't hold long. However, it gave Max the time he needed. Holding out his wand and laying just above the water he took aim.

"I'm rubber your glue take her smell and put it on you." With that the smell of the giant sock transferred to Lil' Wayne, causing Zack to pull back his nose in record time, sure he wouldn't be able to smell anything for at least 6 years.

The rapper stood back, the smell penetrating his nostrils, nearly making him sick to his stomach. "What up my hommies, I stink, dawg."

"That's what anyone with musical taste has been telling you for years," Zack said. Lil' Wayne couldn't take the smell of it any longer. He fainted, leaving the heroes only one foe left, the giant sock that had nearly crushed the life out of Justin. Zack was too tired after fighting the rapper and former president, Max and Alex were exhausted. Cody was a girl. So it seemed that no one could come to their rescue.

"Is there anything we can do?" Cody asked in a high-pitched scream.

"There is one spell that might do it," Max said breathing heavily. "I just don't have the magic power to do it."

Cody's mind began thinking logically again and she knew that from the time of being a guy, there was one thing that she could do to help. She walked up to the pool, grabbed Max back up out of it, and looked him in the eyes. "I believe in you Max. If anyone can do this it's you."

"Are you sure, I'm only-"

Cody cut off his objection by slamming Max's lips against hers. He felt Max lean into the kiss, and while he felt kind of bad about this, decided that he'd sort this out later. Instead he kissed Max with everything he had before pulling away. Upon looking at the young wizard, Cody saw Max's face was red, and he knew that if that didn't do it, nothing would.

"Show it what you're made of," Cody said with a wink.

Max stood up to the giant sock, and took a deep breath. He didn't have much time nor power left, he could only hope this would work. "Key Largo, Key West, Keychain!"

As the magic collided into the sock, it fell to the surface of the ship, becoming nothing but a simple little keychain.

With that, the heroes' thought they had won, the danger seemed to pass, and their bodies were exhausted. However, the wand still lay broken, and from the sky, one killer penguin watched it all unfold. Preparing his fireworks and katana, he flew downward, ready to avenge his fallen comrades.

**A/N: **I really don't hate Lil' Wayne. He's just fun to make fun of. Also, sorry for the short chapter, but I'm running out of time.


End file.
